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How To Help Kids Open Up
Do you have the kid that talks for days when you ask about school, or the one who gives the one word answer, “fine”? Whether you have a chatterbox or a quiet and reserved child, sometimes getting them to open up in certain areas can still be difficult. With our never ending attempts to grow closer to our children we have to get creative with conversations without making it feel like an interrogation. That being said, I encourage you to use these tips to help avoid your conversation killers and gain insight on how to help kids open up.
Maintain Focus
Of course the topics vary with age, but more often than not, kids actually want to talk. The key is to allow them to without accidentally shutting them down. Small things, such as changing our speaking volume can send the message that we are trying to be in control of the conversation. Avoid talking over them when you have an opinion. Remember, this is about them and getting to know more about their world.
Act Fast
If your normally reserved child comes in talking a mile an hour, take the time to listen. Same goes for your little chatterbox coming in quietly. How we respond to this is crucial in building our relationship because, if not acted on quickly these moments pass and the door may close.
Ask Questions That Encourage Conversation
Ask non judgmental questions that require actual answers. It is best to avoid simple questions that can be answered yes or no. Try something like “What do you think about the new kid in class?” instead of “Do you like the new kid in class?”. And avoid “Why” questions at all cost! Especially with pre-teens and teens, it almost always puts them in defense mode.
Be Quiet And LISTEN
Kids are just like us and sometimes we all just want to be heard. Not judged or fixed, but to simply know that our feelings are valid. Reiterate that you are listening by nodding or if there is an opening, recap what they’ve said to show you are truly interested. You can even ask them if they need to vent, are looking for a solution or if they want your advice. Don’t be offended if they turn away your “up hill both ways” stories, you’ll get your chance another day.
Be Interested In Their Interests
If your son is interested in football and you don’t have a clue, now is the time to learn! Be knowledgeable about actives they engage in, clubs they’re a part of and their favorite books. Ask questions, and know enough to be fully engaged in the conversation. By showing an eagerness to learn about their interest, they are more likely to see us as someone who understands them.
Avoid Sarcasm
Smart comments and too much teasing will often make anyone withdraw. Especially a child. They need to know that we are a safe place for them to voice their concerns, thoughts and decisions without judgement of any kind. It’s not okay to treat your child like a high school team mate. They get enough of that. We are to be their haven from the world.
Use Indirect Communication
People tend to open up more when direct eye contact is limited. Same applies to our kids. Whether it be a ride in the car or while putting together a puzzle, action increases communication. While we are busy with something, our thoughts (read mouths) often flow freely. Try taking a walk after school, even if they don’t say much, their demeanor will clue you in on a lot.
Lose The Devices
When you have them in a conversation, BE PRESENT. Ignore the alerts and dings. Show them they are the ultimate priority and you are invested in the relationship. Looking at the top of your head isn’t going to encourage them to open up to you.
Take Away
Every child is different and no two conversations will be the same. However, it is our goal as parents, to encourage our kids and show them that no matter what we are always here to listen.
We’re all in this together, T
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