How To Deal With Mom Guilt

On those days when we’ve heard our name a million times, and we’re about to lose it. Or when we lose our cool and yell at our kids, only to realize that they didn’t cause (or deserve) that reaction. I can say you’re not a bad mom and mean it whole heartedly because I’ve been you, I am you. We are not the first to not know how to deal with mom guilt, and we won’t be the last. Not only that, the mere fact that we question it, proves that we are good parents. I encourage you to read on to gain a better understanding and use these tips on how to deal with mom guilt.

What Is Mom Guilt

Simply put, mom guilt is the feeling that we’re not doing enough for our kids, not doing things right or that we are going to doom their future by messing up. Mom guilt feeds on the never completed “to-do” list, fills our head with the “coulda-shoulda-woulda’s” and leaves us exhausted from trying to keep up with the “Jones’s”. The expectations placed upon us by society, media, family and friends will continue growing. It is my hope that we can shed some light on this issue, and unearth some of the many “mom truths” that can help eradicate this unreasonable list.

Where Does The Guilt Come From

Dive deeper into the true reasons you feel guilt. Are you trying to improve on areas of your own parents technique or trying to be the parent you didn’t have? Do you have a mental health condition or suffering from an unhealed trauma? Are you constantly comparing your parenting to others and setting the expectations too high? The questions go on and on. The goal is to help you in identifying the root of your guilt. That being said, I urge you to read this post about listening to your instincts (major eye opener). Take the time to let go of the perfectionism of having it all together and get vulnerable with yourself.

Communicate With Your Trusted Circle

Try to surround yourself with like-minded people who appreciate, and respect, your values. This is where quality outweighs quantity. Your person, (whether it be your spouse, close friend, or a small group of friends) should be someone free from judgement and unsolicited advice. Someone you can open up to and share your feelings. Someone who will listen while you discuss what you’re going through and what you think you need. More often than not, we keep everything to ourselves out of fear that we are putting our burden on someone else, when that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The people that care about us often want to help. Which leads me to the next tip.

Don’t Put Off Asking For Help

Be it from your spouse or your children, if (and when) you need help, ASK! If you never ask for help, no one will know that you need it. Accepting the fact that not everyone was born with the “third sense helping gene” was/is a struggle for me. What I mean by this, is that while some of us will see someone doing something, and automatically offer help, not everyone is like that. However, the unknowing bystander could’ve (and I’m sure would’ve) helped had you simply asked. We must let go of the preconceived notion that we have to do everything for everyone. This is another one of those unattainable lies that adds yet another layer to our guilt.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

You haven’t destroyed your child or made them question your love. Actually, it bears repeating that by feeling this way reiterates that you do care, and truly deserve this title. Acknowledging our short comings means we are open to an improvement plan. It is not a single moment, or single day, that forms our children. In the grand scheme of things, it is the summation of years worth of bedtime routines, packing their favorite lunch and always being their cheerleader that forms who they become. Don’t worry, your “mommy tantrum” will pale in comparison.

Take Away

Being a mom is one of the hardest yet most rewarding things we’ll ever do. We must pull together to help soften the blow of “mom-guilt” by encouraging each other instead of shaming. Instead, respect each other, love on our kids and “mom” in our own way. There is no way we’re going to be perfect all the time, it’s time to let that go.

We’re all in this together, T

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